the alarm in a way that should make us
reflect deeper. Mumu is not a condition I
proudly proclaim. It was with a heavy heart
that I came to this shocking realization that
we are indeed a country of mumus. Harsh as
it might sound, no other explanation would
suffice. It is apparent that the "leaders"
know that they would always get away with
whatever incredible schemes they concoct
because, amongst other reasons,
(a) the mumu people they "lead" are no
different from their mumu "leaders" in
character
(b) the mumu people are gullible,
superstitious and naive
(c) there are no consequences for criminal
acts if you belong to the right group
(d) these mumus never demand
accountability from their "leaders"
(e) the mumus expect their rulers to loot or
would otherwise consider them foolish
Apologies for the seeming
overgeneralization but the vast majority
runs with this mumu mindset.
There is a limit to how much one can
squeeze into a song before sounding less
music than sermon. Please permit me to
expatiate using your perimeter of "recent
events in the past week or two".
For simplicity I would use a numbered list to
analyze and highlight a few seemingly
disparate but absurd mumurity examples
and indicators.
1. 5 members trying to impeach a governor
would make you think there are probably
only 6 or 7 members of the House of
Assembly. According to the assembly's
website there are 31 members. For mumus,
5 out 31 constitutes a majority.
2. In the land of mumus you can make your
own mace and confer it with automatic
authority, elect a "new Speaker" and swear
him in.
3. No single hospital in Nigeria to entrust
the unfortunately injured member with. He
had to be flown to the UK.
4. Flown abroad … likely on tax payers'
account
5. Treated … likely on tax payers' account
6. Visited by officials… likely on tax payers'
account (business or first class tickets?)
7. Nyesom Wike the Minister of State who
led the visit was until recently the
Governor's (Amaechi's) Chief of Staff. He
was allegedly nominated for the Ministerial
position by Governor Amaechi.
8. Shouldn't the mumus wonder how
Nyesom Wike as Minister of State for
Education found the time for this all
important trip while abandoning his post in
spite of the raging crisis in his ministry with
the Academic staff union of Nigerian
universities currently on strike? Well the
mumu staff and students can rot in hell I
guess.
9. Madam Patience would probably have
"visited" too, if not for the noise such would
generate. So for now, the victim suffers
alone.
10. The erstwhile pontificating police boss of
the State could not find the patient's
prominent attacker for over a week.
11. Madam Patience having first denied any
involvement in the crisis while verbally
attacking Soyinka, eventually owns up
"pouring out her grievances".
12. She owns up to a group of visiting
Bishops who came on a peace making
mission to find a lasting solution to the crisis
in their region. Religion is always an easy
scapegoat and tool of deception in
mumudom.
13. Why would you even think that the
Bishops would go back empty handed? Any
"transport fare/thank-you-for-coming", if
received, would have likely been financed on
tax payers' account.
14. And why are we ranting about "tax
payers"? Why are the tax payers not furious
over the incessant misappropriation and
misapplication of their hard earned
contributions? The answer lies in the
question… Aside from PAYE, how many are
compliant in mumudom?
15. First a set of 5 Governors and 3 Deputy
Governors (representing their respective
Governors), left their duty posts for a
solidarity visit with the embattled Governor
of Rivers State… of course to the detriment
of tax payers. (a) They were not on leave,
but left urgent work and duties behind for
the "emergency" solidarity visit. (b) Flight
to and fro Port Harcourt of course likely on
tax payers' account.
16. They were closely followed by a second
set of 4 commiserating sympathetic
Governors. Of course, again likely on tax
payers' account.
17. Madam Patience's grievance, as she
divulged to the visiting Bishops, started
when Governor Amaechi refused to be
governed by her, as he would not listen to
her veiled orders on how to govern the
State… which incidentally is her primary
territory being her State of origin. Mumus
have no problem with that, fully being in
harmony with her as she sings as first lady
in Abuja while simultaneously dancing in
absentia as Permanent Secretary in Bayelsa
and conducting the orchestra in home state,
Rivers.
18. Madam ends her confession to the
Bishops by saying that Amaechi is her son as
she is obviously the mother of everyone in
mumudom. The question all mumus should
ask is, "Would a good mother promote the
demise of her child?"
19. Where was her outraged sense of
motherhood when Senators were busy
voting to turn mumudom into a Nation of
pedophiliacs at the expense of her innocent
"daughters"?
20. Where was her outraged sense of
"mother of the Nation" when the video of 5
gang rapists went viral. Has she used that
"mother of the Nation" power to find the
culprits? Not a priority in mumudom.
21. Where was her outraged "motherhood of
mumudom" when 46 school children were
murdered in Yobe? Indeed the whole Nation
of mumus have just gone on with their more
important mumu lives like nothing
happened.
22. Which brings us to the insane mumurity
that gives the "leaders" confidence to try
pranks such as the attempt at crafting the
under age marriage law, knowing that with
the mumus… "nothing go happen"
23. In the land of mumus, the rulers know
they can always throw in the religious card,
so Senator Yerima leads the child slavery
onslaught with the religious chant.
24. While all this was going on, 79 year old
OPC founder, Dr. Fasheun was, in his own
description, "delivering" Mustapha to Kano.
25. Soon after, Gumsu Sani Abacha had the
courage to rant on social media about her
proud heritage… because with the mumus
who his father savagely ruled over… nothing
go happen.
26. Gumsu even called Soyinka who was a
victim of her beloved dad's misrule, "Mad
empty Professor" … because in mumudom,
"nothing go happen".
27. Final scores… Jang 13, Amaechi 19, but
in the land of mumus Mathematics has a
different interpretation for 13 is greater
than 19. Even the President of the mumus
ratifies that.
28. By the way, both Governors Jang and
Amaechi are from the same imploding
political party.
29. Jang says he is old enough to be
Amaechi's father… a common escape route
that is often quickly bought by the mumu
populace. Old enough to be the President's
pawn and to upturn justice might be more
like it. Only possible when you know for sure
that your people are mumus… Nothing go
happen.
30. The Governor is supposed to be the chief
security officer of his State, but apparently
in mumudom, his Police Commissioner is his
boss.
31. The Governor's security staff could be so
easily withdrawn because nothing is
institutionalized in a Nation of mumus. The
loyalty of the security personnel is not based
on the constitution but on personal or
maternal affiliations. The mumus keep
watching because "it does not concern me
o"… "Big men and women are fighting".
Same way the injustice of the Nation's
attorney general's assassination does not
concern them.
32. Most reports in the Nigerian media kept
referring to the self appointed Speaker as if
he were truly the substantive Speaker. A
mere use of "self-acclaimed" would have
been logical, but they were already calling
him the Speaker because… ignorance?
inducement? resignation to the belief that
the 5 vs 26 Assembly coup was already a
done deal?
33. While all this drama unfolded, Nigeria,
like the proverbial head-burying ostrich felt
it had the moral right to insist on
democratic processes in Egypt.
34. Sahara Reporters had screamed about
the underhand conspiracy to proclaim
Mustapha "not guilty". Mumus simply went
about their daily mumurity unperturbed
because "it doesn't concern them". And
when it happened as predicted… no
problem. Mumus continue dem jolly as if
nothing happened.
35. Meanwhile, Daniel and his political
supporters carried their politics into the
house of God at Rueben Abati's mother's
funeral service… simply because there is no
true reverence for God. Religion is a safe
hiding cave. The mumus in the congregation
would never protest such sacrilege
because… "it is not strange" as the houses of
God are now also political grounds.
Obasanjo built one in Abeokuta. Jonathan
got one built in Otuoke.
36. Meanwhile, some other mumus were
again busy putting the Nation to
international shame. In unprecedented
match fixing fiascos, Police Machine beat
Bubayaro 67-0 while Plateau United Feeders
beat Akurba FC 79-0. Just in case you are
confused, the game was soccer, not
basketball.
37. The matches were to determine which
one of the two tied teams would be promoted
into… wait for this… just the 3rd division of
the Nigerian soccer league. How many goals
would they have to orchestrate when they
want promotion to the 1st division?
38. Interesting to note that one of the teams
involved in these shows of shame, the Police
Machine, represents the Police Force. Now
who would investigate this scandal?
39. Mumus involved in the conspiracy had
to include players… team management…
referees and other match officials…
spectators??? That is quite a large mumu
cooperative.
40. Since four teams were involved, multiply
the number of conspirators by 4 (except
match officials and spectators which should
be multiplied by "only" 2). Hence, the scam
was done in the open. It was a confident
public show of shame. No… two confident
simultaneous scams. No problem as
corruption is everywhere.
41. Before the matches, Police Machine and
Plateau United were level on points, goal
difference and goals scored, and each was
playing its final match which would
determine which team would get elevated
into the 3rd division league. Plateau United
scored 72 of its 79 goals in the second half,
thereby averaging more than one goal per
minute. This would necessarily include the
time needed to celebrate each goal, retrieve
the ball, bring it back to the center, wait for
the referee's whistle before kicking off
again…. after each goal. 72 times. Or did
they just write the preferred figures as we
typically do on election day?
42. Is it not curious that neither of the two
losing teams could manage a single
consolation goal? What else are we if not
mumus?
43. Then there was the innocent man who
was freed by the high court in Owerri after
having been unjustly incarcerated for seven
years, "awaiting trial". No compensation…
nobody held accountable for his ordeal. He
insisted on being taken back to the prison as
that was his only guaranty of a roof over his
head and a daily meal. It was merely a
"small thing" in the daily bizarre news as
mumus went about their daily mumurity
with their typical mentality of "e no concern
me".
44. Remember that this is mostly a snippet
of the past two weeks or so. But there is
more… 20 year old Chijioke Nwankor
allegedly rapes a 9 year old pupil to death in
Calabar. Reportedly in his own words, he
asked her to bend down in the uncompleted
building because it was too dirty to lie down
as the place was being used as a public
toilet. That is mumudom parlance for faeces
shamelessly defecated all over the ground.
Could the defecation be by aliens from outer
space?
45. Well… thankfully, there is always a little
ray of sunlight sneaking through the dark
jungle. A Briton who was kidnapped by an
armed gang shortly after arrival in Lagos,
has been released.
…All in just the past two weeks or so in
mumudom.
Excuse me, I have to return to work. I need
to earn £3000 for my British visa. Wait a
minute, did I tell you I am still a
Commonwealth citizen?
Lágbájá
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN
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